you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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