as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
