If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
