now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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