Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
