It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
