Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
