my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
