i already hear my dad disowning me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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