Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We need to feng shui this bitch.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
