I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize