the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
