grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
