I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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