I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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