the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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