Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
