The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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