"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
