Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
