Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
