why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
50% drunk capacity currently
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize