I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
