you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
