i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
