Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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