And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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