When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
