can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
