Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
