Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
