The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize