oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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