I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
