it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
