I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
