I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
