alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
