Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
