Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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