one two three fourrrrnication!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
