so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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