All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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