And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
