Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
