Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
send nudes
from the living room?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
