Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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