my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't turn off my feet"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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