i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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