I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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