Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
