You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
