six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
