i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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