Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
