I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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