I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
