I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I intend to get homeless drunk
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
There's even glitter on my cock...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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