Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he thought i was a dude.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
