I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
