i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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