You know, be my cock's hype man.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
