A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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