Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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