I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
