I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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