I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
