Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Vodka?
Forever.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
