Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
