not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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