Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize