Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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