All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
