you guys were way drunker than both of me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
