but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
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Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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