You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
